After some serious consideration and lots of navel gazing I have decided that I've successfully reached the end of this part of my journey.
I will not be blogging again for some time.
This is not a bad thing, in fact it's a very very good thing for me because it means that I no longer have any soul searching to do. I no longer have to beat out my troubles on the keyboard. My therapeutic computer counselling session is over...for now.
I didn't want to leave it without explaining my departure but I feel I've said everything I need to say and my focus is turning towards helping others and more importantly helping myself in a different way. Blogging has been fantastic for my path to acceptance but I'm comfortable where I am now and don't feel that writing any more would benefit me or my readers.
My dear supportive warrior readers. Thank you for holding my hand as I journeyed through the darkness and into the spotlight of acceptance. I hope that as I share old posts with you for a while that you recognise how far I've come but also how far you have come too. I hope that I've imparted wisdom along the way, that you maybe recognised yourself somewhere amongst the words, that you didn't judge me too harshly and that you are happy I got there in the end.
Because I did, and Lee has and my kids have been in that place for a long time just wanting for their mom and dad to join them.
I look back now on my older posts and see how raw it all was. I see the pain, the anger, the confusion of the first few months. The jealousy, judgements and self doubt that crept in. The sad resignation of a year or so ago when I gave up on hope. And then slowly the dawning of a new era of acceptance.
I think the turning point for me was realising my children, regardless of their capabilities or challenges, still had a place in this world, still had reason for being. My job as their mommy was to help them reach that potential. It was time to leave to self pity party I'd been forced to go to and join them in their world instead of mourning for mine. If I gave up on my kids who would they have left?
Since that point the world has been a far far better place to be. Its not that my life isn't tough and the challenges this diagnosis bring not just to my kids but to me and Lee are overwhelming some days but my advise to anyone know would be sure, ask yourself questions but not "why me? why them? why us? why can't I?" ask yourself "what is that behaviour trying to tell me?" Once you accept that everything is happening for reason you start to find why this has happened to your family.
To make you see more clearly what your purpose in life is.
Potential. Theirs. And yours.
Acceptance is freedom my friends.
Have a safe journey where ever you are heading and give your kids a hug from me.