Monday, 15 April 2013

cont...

There is a big difference between what people see and what is actually happening. If you take what you see or get told out of context it leaves a very different impression to the truthful one...here's why:


She never feeds her kids...

They live on junk food...

She lets them play on their ipads all day...

She lets them climb on everything..

She never tells them to be quiet...

She never comes to family parties...

Her kids are up till god knows what time...

Her house is always a mess...

They just sit on their arse all day...

The kids are always a mess...

She never says no to her kids...

They spoil those kids..

She always goes on about her kids...

All of these things are perfectly true, but out of context they represent me as a bad parent. So lets put them back into context shall we?!

She never feeds her kids...that's true, I cook for them but I can't make them eat!

They live on junk food...that's true, as I said above if they have no interest in the food I want them to eat they can eat what they want! My kids won't follow the "they'll eat what you cook if you don't give them the other stuff!" No, they'll starve! I'd rather they ate twiglets for breakfast than nothing at all!

She lets them play on their Ipads all day...that's true, because they are obsessive about that Thomas Youtube video, or watching Monsters Inc, or doing an alphabet game or playing pairs, or doing the jigsaws on there. Its not all crap and its not all the time. But if you happen to see them at 4am on the Ipads, then again at 8am, then again at 3pm or when I'm going round the shops its because it calms them. Occupies them. Redirects them. Educates them and feeds their need to fulfil their obsessions.

She lets them climb on everything...that's true, because my kids are sensory seekers. They love to climb. It stimulates them and pleases them. My kids are proficient climbers. They are very capable. I would not let them climb if it was dangerous to them. But its not most of the time so I do let them climb because its "what they do"...

She never tells them to be quiet..that's true, because my kids can't regulate their noises levels. They are verbal stimmers. They express themselves through vocalising and I want to communicate with my kids so I let them. I don't take them anywhere they can't vocalise comfortably but I'm not gonna tell them to shut it just cus you don't like it following you down the supermarket aisle!

She never comes to family parties...that's true, but it depends on the event. We can't disrupt the bedtime routine we've created or it upsets and confuses the kids. Places that are too loud, too crowded or too full of over stimulation such as flashing lights etc are going to cause my kids to go into sensory overload and lead to a meltdown. So we can't do that for their sakes.

Her kids are up till god knows what time...yep! that's true...lord knows I know that's true! I'd love for them to go to bed at 7pm and sleep till 7 the following morning but they don't..the little sods! They are like Duracell bunnies, on speed, after a sugar rush! Their autism keeps them wired and some nights theres just not enough Melatonin in the world to send them to asleep and keep them asleep!

Her house is always a mess...I'd say its more like a creche than a mess!! There are toys everywhere, in every room. This is so my kids can move around the house and always find something to stimulate them rather than being tied to one part of the house. As for the sand strewn throughout the house, the food on the floor, the discarded clothing, the random socks...well, that just is what it is. That's a house with two little kids in it and it gets cleaned as we go. Sometimes theres not much point in picking it up till they've gone to bed because inevitably its only gonna end up on the floor again. So I can chase my kids around with a dustpan and brush or I can just let them enjoy themselves and sort it out when the day is done!

They just sit on their arse all day...that's true, when we get the chance to we will do absolutely feck all..and I do mean nothing! Because even the small hours the kids are at school we are busy busy! Doing all the stuff we can't do when they are here. We take this time to put the house back in order. To do the food shop. To fix the toys. To clean the house. As everyone with kids does. So when I get the chance I'm gonna sit my arse down and relax cus chances are I'm still gonna be going at 4am once the kids come home.

The kids are always a mess...that's true, especially Jesse. She's a dirt magnet. She always looks a right state. We now go for a boho chic look with her. Doing her hair distresses her something awful so it goes in bunches and stays there till it needs washing because I can't bare to inflict that upset on her. Shes addicted to her juice which is normally splashed up her top too. But shes getting stuck in and having a good time so I'm not gonna stop her exploring the dirt so I can change her 4 times a day! I'm afraid I'm just not that anal!

She never says no to her kids...that's true..but it rather depends on what they are doing? You see, I operate a rather more lenient approach than the muggles around me. I have to. My kids don't get the word "no" like others do. And I can't always explain "no" to them as well as others can. So I adopt a policy wherein I pick my battles wisely. Are they tipping sand on my living room floor? Yes, yes they are. Are they enjoying themselves? Yes, yes they are. Have I got a dustpan and brush? Yes, yes I have. Can I clean it up after they've finished playing? Yes, yes I can. Well there you go then, carry on kids!

They spoil those kids..that's true, we do. We spoil them rotten. They have every climbing frame, swing, monster truck, peppa pig toys. Two Ipads. That's what we do with our money. Their money. We don't go out at the weekends. We don't spend money on drink and cigarettes. We buy our kids sensory equipment and electrical toys to improve their lives. To give enriched sensory input. To stimulate them. When they become obsessed with monster trucks, Thomas the tank engine or peppa pig, we buy that stuff as quick as we can so we can interact with them. The door of opportunity to play with our children is smaller than most and so we seize every chance we get. They don't have an alternative to amuse themselves. They don't have friends round. They don't get the same thrill out of theme parks or the cinema so this is what they have instead. Makes me happy to see them happy.

She always goes on about her kids...that's true, because I'm a mommy and that's what moms do! Right now I don't have alot going on in my life that isn't about my kids. Everyday there is something that needs to be done for them, about them, with them or because of them. My lines of interest all point towards them and autism. That's where I am right now. Not only an I a mommy but I'm an advocate too. I'm writing, researching, contacting, reading and thinking about ways to raise awareness. To get the best for my kids and to help them as they move forward in life. I'm on the Governing Board at their school as well as the Parents Association and the Parents support group. I'm setting up an Autistic Play and Stay for Early Years kids and a support group alongside it for the parents. I blog and write articles for local charities, websites, newsletters and magazines. I promote the Autism and Love brand. Autism is a full time (unpaid!) job for me. This is my life as well as Cody and Jesse's.

So you can see when these comments are put into the context of my life there is logic behind the madness. Not every ones life is as it seems to the outsiders. You just have to apply a little context.


What do you see? a boy making a mess or a kid engaging in sensory play?
(This concept was taken from the fabulously talented Tim Minchin so I feel its only fair to thank him!)











5 comments:

Nannyviv said...

Well said.....i hope i'm learning now....i know i've been guilty in the past....but when you see the kids interacting it is obvious tht your way IS the best way for them xxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

exactly how are house is too :)

Www.autismandlove.com said...

Pick your battles right?!

nannyviv said...

I've just re-read this and I think it's one of the BEST you have written xxxxxxx
I want to make everyone I know and especially those who know you read this!

marisa said...

I follow you on IG and just got to reading your blog. Your writing and your stories are truly amazing. I feel like I am there with you...that's how much you reach out to your readers. Autism is at our house as well but our journey is different than yours. There is a lot I understand and can feel your pain and frustration.
Thank you fir sharing your journey and telling it like it is
Marisa

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