Sunday, 23 December 2012

tis the season to f"ck off!

where were you when the shit hit the fan? tell me that eh?

you don't get to wander in here when you see fit, stare at my children and disappear again. you don't get the right to call them darlings and dissolve into the background when the sun ain't shining? you are here for the duration or not at all. you don't get to pick and chose...we don't so why the hell should you?!

you wanna be part of my children's lives? well here's the deal. you learn about them. you don't just take it all for face value. you don't get to sit pretty on the sofa and wait for them to come to you. you get down on their level. you play. you try to interact. you get ignored. you get disrespected. you get scratched and spat on. you get up and again and you carry on.

you rally round when my family need help..any member of my family. you learn the kids routines so you can be involved when we need someone. to reveal in the smiles you have to take the beatings to.

if you are frightened of my child, if you cant bear the rejection, if you don't want to interact in case you upset them? well tough shit, you cant put your coat on and leave when the dark clouds rumble. that's not on. if you feel you don't know my children and don't understand them then that's your problem. you haven't tried to understand them.

have you research autism? have you read books? read blogs? do you know what therapies they are undertaking? do you know what appointments they've been to and what assessments they are attending? do you know what bottle they like to drink from? what flavour crisps they like? can you spot the signs when Cody is ready for a milk? do you know how much to give him?

do you know what the makaton for "finished" is? do you know to say "stop" instead of "no"? do you know what games they like on their ipads or what cd to play them? do you know what their favourite DVD is or what time they go to bed?

what do they like best for dinner? do they eat apples? do you know what Jesse wants when she goes to the kitchen? do you have a plan B if you get it wrong? do you know how to diffuse a meltdown? do you know what to do when they go through to bed? what songs Cody likes to hear? how much melatonin to give them? do you even know what melatonin is?

if you care, if you want to be part of my children's lives this is a small part of what you have to learn. you don't get to ask them what they want and you pay the price for guessing. so you're gonna have to work damn hard, long hours, lots of research and many upsets. you're going to have to dedicate yourself to your work if you wanna be there when we need you. you're going to have to change your life.

if you wanna say you love them, prove it. otherwise, merry christmas and good night.


Anonymous said...

Help from ??? yeh right

Anonymous said...

love it! spot on.

Nannyviv said...

Check, check and check. Full the energy to do all of the above and go out to work...not really but have to......Manage to do all this and keep on top of housework.....err. Sorry no.......but thats ok. Fit in your usual life ie not let down your other friends and family to give all your energies to helping thanks to them for understanding why they are being neglected by us..... Actions speak louder than words

Daily Ramblings said...

Thanks for inviting me to follow your blog! I, sadly, can relate to almost every word you just posted, my friend. Two of mine are autistic (with a few co-morbid diagnoses thrown in for good measure lol). Family abandoned us a long time ago.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree and feel for you, we have shit family when it comes to understanding

Cedar said...

I wish we were neighbors. My heart is with you.

Lauren said...

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Good luck!

Anonymous said...

It is very hard you are right, but you know all these things about others in your family? just saying we cant be the pot calling the kettle black

mama said...

i never directed this at anyone in particular in my family but yes, i do know that some family and friends arent as "up" on my kids and their diagnosis and so find it hard to interact with them. i can say with certainty that only their grandparents know them aswell as we do. im not asking for 24 hour commitment, that would be pot calling the kettle black as i couldnt do that back for them but if you have someone close with a disability it would help to atleast understand what that disability really means to help the children and family further.

Anonymous said...

This applies to my family and friends too. And I'm sad to say there dad has his ups and downs too. It's bloody hard work and upsetting to have such lack of compassion and understanding from those closest to you. Me and the their dad argue a fair bit. And it kills me. Especially when he's battling with them. But he doesn't seem to handle it and leaves me to deal with the drama when it all kicks off (we live seperate). It makes me feel so isolated and lonely. Me and mum seem to be the only ones who really understand. I just wish everyone could too. But it's there loss, not to know my beautiful boys. Their amazing and I wouldn't have them another way

Anonymous said...

All your family and friends should research autism in order to have the privelege of interacting with your little darlings. Little darlings you don't say no to, who trash your house, play iPad all day and scream to their hearts content without you even attempting to teach them to behave like civilized human beings.

I'm also pretty sure you're heartbroken your kids don't get invited to many birthday parties or have very many friends. There's a relationship between your kids behavior and how other people perceive your kids. said...

Thank you, they are little darlings and yes, you do have to do an immense amount of research to avoid ignorant and judgmental opinions forming about autistic children and their parents. Judgments such as its bad parenting or bad behaviour.

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